I'm Scared

What is the future. What are our lives.

My exams are coming up and I have never been more petrified of my present. Everything seemed so simple up to now. Expressing how I feel is always helpful, but it's only until I realise how painfully sick I am of constantly weeping about my thoughts and emotions. I want to succeed, do something that makes sense... how do I get there?

Friends. Let me look back at that again. My friends are my power, my purpose. I am so lucky to have such magnificent people in my life. Yesterday, after flooding out my jumbles of words out and listening to Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake", my friend managed to write something so... calming. I felt certain for a moment. Even if I have to remind myself of what she said every 5 minutes, I'll do whatever it takes to be myself again. This is what she said, some words slightly filtered.
1. even if you can't see it in your future, that doesn't mean it won't be there
2. your parents are just being realistic and want what's best for you
3. see if you can set yourself a goal, you'll do better at xxx when your parents acknowledge you. they only care about your studies? study, and then show them what you've got
4. it's not like your parents don't care at all, otherwise you wouldn't have skates now would you? even though you might not be able to see it everyone supports you, mum, dad, me??
5. ily
6. you're strong
7. you write your own future so don't be discouraged by what you can see. look at other potential paths and choose the one that you like best. and make it happen. if it doesn't want to, force it to happen
8. dreams are never childish
I am currently scraping these words into my mind as well as getting ready to paint them on my wall. It's scary. I'm scared. Who isn't? If you're not, good for you. Pass that energy on. Someone will need some help. If you can offer it, please do. I'm generally going to study now. It's a must. After fulfilling your job you have a reward, right? Yes, right. I'm just going to live on and look forward to it.

love, gabriela


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