Love @ Midnight

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I honestly don't know what I'm up to. I just finished watching another two episodes of "Sherlock" and my Ti (research: mbti; cognitive functions) is driving all of my thoughts. However, regardless the overwhelming ongoing analytical process in my brain, love is still the first topic to pop out in conversations.

Lately, as it is the end of the year, I've been trying to move towards a loving beginning of this new collection of 4 seasons and 365 days. I guess you could say that I don't like to wait to a new beginning and I prefer to start preparing sooner rather than later. You may be wondering what it is that I have prepared... or not, doesn't matter really. The actual conclusion of what I have started to change for the next year really isn't important. It's the act of what I'm changing, for what reasons and how. And alas, that is what I shall tell you.

As mentioned earlier, I plan to make this year the honest year of "love". Love is a word that resembles with me as a person as well as my personality very well. It's vitally important that I never lose sight of love in my life. Love is everywhere I look, in everything I think of, in- okay, the places of love is a title for another post. The necessity here is that I love love, simple.

This year, 2016 if you didn't know, has been a massive year of new love. I've fallen in love with many things as well as people. I have found a love for new instruments, new music, new friends and... more than friends (as clearly expressed in my last blog post). However, in this overflow of incoming love, I have missed the opportunities to express my emotions. That is why this oncoming year, 2017 for anyone who lives under a rock, is going to be a year of steady love. Okay, I honestly just chuckled to myself and it's midnight, I'm pretending to sleep. Of course there is no such thing as "steady love", I'm just being humorous. I also didn't want to use the word "ongoing" twice, but that's just a detail. Elaborating, by "steady love" I mean "middle love", something we've seen before, "ongoing" if I must use that word again. Now that I have experienced the excitement of the idea of love in my life, the eros of it all, I shall move on to the agape, caritas... the more refined process of thought.

I wish to express my love in unstoppable ways. The certain things I have in plan include drawing as well as painting, writing and creating music, sewing, photography, writing, dancing and skating. Of course there are many more but I don't want to bombard you with my thoughts (trust me, I have a lot of those). This year I have been dealing with Alexithymia - the incapability of naming and/or describing emotions. I blame the overflow of eros. That's why I want to calm down this year and just... compose. Whether it be words or notes - compose, create.

So as a safe beginning, I decided to bid farewell to over 300 personalities on Facebook and start fresh with a generously smaller number of people who could judge my actions. I have already done that with Tumblr (rosestarred) on which I unfollowed 5000 blogs... I didn't do it not to be judged though! No, I unfollowed those blogs so I could really submerge myself in love but only with the blogs that help me describe the words in my head.

Another thing I have done was tidy my room. 
Not even joking.
My room is an eternal mess, the closest people to me know that. However I decided to change it up and actually try to make it connect to me a little more.

And funnily enough, this list is already moving to an end. The last thing I have done is prepare a checklist of "things to write" for people. It's easy to forget the amount of song ideas I have. That's why I have two gigantic notes on my phone, storing all of my original ideas for bigger bundles of words. I generally plan to write some beautiful things this year, people won't even know when it hits them.

But the last thing I plan to do, that is actually a little secret, is uphold a journal. I wish to draw, write, cry and document many of my adventures in a real life, 3D journal. And that's the one thing that I must start the new year with. The only thing I can truly only prepare now but start on the actual day. 

The amount of love this year has been incredible. It's the type you come to think about at (now) 1 am. I shan't forget about it next year, that's for sure. So to all the people I love, thank you. You have already given me so much, but you have also inspired me for so much more. Thank you for existing and I wish you happy lives. If you wish to leave, I won't stop you, but please let me observe your actions from afar, just so my inspiration never truly leaves.

Thank you all, all you thank.

Love, GABBY
let love guide you

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