Am I Pretending To Be Someone I'm Not?

I feel like I ask this question way too many times.

It's like an existential crisis or a personal crisis.


When I analyse my life (which is something I do quite often) I regularly come to the conclusions that I might not be who I am. In that case, who am I? My mind tries to tell me that I am a liar, someone who lives a million lives. What do I think?

I think that I am myself... at home. Alone at home. And also the secrets on my phone. Which makes me never be myself, eh? My blog, this, the words that you are reading right now, they are a good ol' 95% me, which is the most I ever share. Next off would probably be certain people that I talk to but that's already at a 70-80%, much lower as you can see. Probably at 60% will be my YouTube channel. The percent would be much higher if not for some people. And then later, at 50% and lower is just Gabby. The base of me that everyone sees. 50% of me is hidden yet not hard to find if you want to find it. That's a whole half of me. The visible half is called Gabby. The unseen part is Olivia. Why Olivia? Who knows! It was just a lucky name choice. Together though, they create me. Fully me. Gabriela Olivia. Hello.

In conclusion, no, I'm not lying to myself or others. So Gabby, stop blaming yourself for things that aren't real. I just don't show myself to others a lot. And when I do, when I start showing Olivia, it's hard. I don't want to just blast her out into the world. I start infuriating myself because I want Olivia to be understood, she is the most wonderful part of me after all.

Don't be shocked if when you ask me 'who am I' I answer 'Olivia'.



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