You Can't Love Someone You Barely Know

I define myself as quite a secretive person. I don't like going on about my feelings and God knows what else if I don't feel comfortable. I absolutely hate when people are pushy or just try to change my decisions. I do what I want when I want it, 'kay?

I highly dislike it when people say that they love me. I just find it so odd. Unless of course, I feel the same way back. I find it so unnatural and strange when people end conversations with "Bye, I LOVE YOU, *millions of hearts*". As I just said though, it doesn't mind me when it's somebody who I love too.

When someone says that they see us as best friends or they call me their best friend when I don't think so back it also places me in an odd place. It's like pressure that came from nowhere.

Is this me being picky? Do I have some kind of problem? Ugh.

I have many layers... like ogres! And onions, and cakes...

If you're are lucky enough to get to those deepest layers, I would think about if it is actually lucky haha! To be honest, I can't remember the last time I truly told someone about my emotions and recovered with actual help from another person. It is usually me, who will cry to myself and give myself advice. Only one situation comes to mind and it was when I flew my tears to Julia and she gave me a lot of really good advice. Because of her I started painting again. That wasn't a moment of utter sadness though, I honestly don't think anybody has ever seen me in such a terrible state.

Many people get scared of such things, it's not like I don't understand. I do. It's so hard to find someone who will be there for you both in your happy times as in your sad.

That's also a huge problem with me. When I ask people what they think of me, I often get the response that I am the happiest person and all those. It then becomes almost impossible for me to come out as a sad person. We're all sad people, as we are happy people. I have that problem especially, because I can hardly ever be both at one, I'm one or the other. Showing the sad person after being labelled as something else... really hard.

So I guess that's another thing to think about!



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