21st Wheel | 170

I have many problems. God, I really do. A lot of the problems I have are a part of me and I can't let them go. One of those is the fact that I distance myself from anyone who I could be close to. I'm afraid of falling in love, I don't want to spend time with the people I love most. It kills me inside but actually spending time with people seems so much harder.

Especially lately I feel I have been distancing myself from everyone excluding a few people. But then when those people that were excluded are far away, I'm lonely. I'm SUPER lonely. I feel like I'm in a locked room with huge brick walls around me and I'm just waiting for someone to help me out.

Same thing when I'm with many people. What usually happens is I'm concentrated on a few people that I didn't block out, but everyone is also concentrated on them because I'm just a wall that blocks people from the inside. I'm that person that will actually watch the movie, while everyone else is gossiping and laughing.

It's sad and I don't talk about this often. I'm a really crap human and I say this every once in a while maybe because I need to or maybe because I need help. I don't know. I would just like a friend you know. Or for my friends to come to me.



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