Deep Breaths... | DAY 12

Few... Very exhausting and anxious day today but I'm rewarding getting through it now!

First day back at school and I wrote my late biology test. The thing with me and biology is that I really like it but it's super complicated! Luckily, the test went REALLY well and I got a 5 (second highest grade, if not the highest for this test, haha). Lot of anxiousness around that AND coming back to school.

I've only just realized one of the things that make me anxious. School itself is fine. I get very afraid of tests and projects in front of people, even though I myself am pretty outgoing. I also get strongly scared of certain people. If it's people who judge me often, say rude things, people who I don't want to talk to for a different reason or the ones I want to talk to the most! I get very anxious around these kind of people. One minute I'm fine and then they come to speak with me and I panic, I speak to quick and they can't hear me, I lose words, I shake, feel nauseous and end up realizing that I myself don't know what I just said. The terrible part about this: people don't get it. If it's because they don't know about my anxiety and obviously don't understand or they know and still don't understand (mostly because they themselves don't deal with it). Ahh... it's a horror. I had to say 'goodbye' to something I really wanted to do because I KNOW I'd have to perform in front of people which I can't do because I always lose words in fear that people will judge me. I just can't do it.

Anyway, for getting along sorta okay today, or even just getting through this extreme day without any real attack, I'm now giving myself 'presents' as in:
  • A movie (St. Trinian's)
  • 3 days off school
  • Pizza (I didn't eat the last couple that were brought!!!!)
  • Math problems (I love math okay? DEAL WITH IT)
  • And a few other HAPPY things...
I also learned "I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE" on keyboard! It sounds so lovely! Oooh!! I'm also super glad that y'all like the new vid! I'm super proud of it, haha! My cat is feeling super great again. I'm so happy, wow! Right, see you in a few math problems, haha!

Love, GABBY

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